Let’s start with a confession: Forgiveness isn’t the clean, sunlit thing we like to pretend it is. It’s messy. It’s ugly. It’s walking headfirst into the tornado of your own making and realizing you’re part of the problem.
Forgiveness, for me, wasn’t a candlelit moment of epiphany. It was chaos. It was confronting the parts of myself that quietly accepted what I should have rejected. It was untangling the knot of “Why did I let this happen?” from the equally maddening “Why did they do it?”
And then it hit me: Forgiveness isn’t for them. It’s for you.
Forgiveness: A Guide for the Bold (and Slightly Unhinged)
Let’s clear something up right away: Forgiveness doesn’t mean reconciliation. It doesn’t mean you have to invite someone back into your life with open arms and a tray of freshly baked cookies. Forgiveness is a solo act—a declaration that you’re no longer in the business of dragging someone else’s weight around.
But here’s the thing they don’t tell you: Forgiveness can make you feel like you’re going insane. To forgive, you must confront the parts of yourself that allowed it to happen in the first place. The version of you that said, “This is fine,” when it absolutely wasn’t.
You can’t skip this step. And you shouldn’t want to.
Through the Eye of the Storm
When you decide to forgive, you’re not met with applause. You’re met with resistance—sometimes subtle, sometimes loud. People don’t like when you change the script.
It’s as if your growth reflects something they’re not ready to confront in themselves.
And yet, resistance is the proving ground. It’s where you find out who you are when things get hard.
I learned this year that there’s no easy way out of the storm. The cure for anxiety isn’t avoidance; it’s action. Small, deliberate, terrifying action. The kind that makes you want to crawl back into bed but also gives you hope that tomorrow might feel a little lighter.
What Forgiveness Is (and Isn’t)
Here’s the deal: Forgiveness isn’t about pretending it didn’t happen. It’s not about excusing someone else’s behavior. It’s about freedom.
Forgiveness is the act of saying, “I’m not carrying this anymore.” But it’s not a free pass for trust. Trust is a whole other thing—earned, not given, and god’s sake not assumed.
Forgiveness is the drawbridge. Trust is the castle.
Resistance: A Signpost, Not a Roadblock
When you start clearing the resistance in your life, everything changes. Not one thing. Everything.
You stop entertaining fofoca (gossip). You stop propping up personalities that no longer fit the narrative of your life. And here’s the kicker: You start saying “enough” to things you should’ve said no to years ago.
Resistance isn’t the enemy—it’s the map. It shows you exactly where the work lies.
The Year Ahead: Building What’s Next
This year, I followed through on a massive mental health goal. I untangled myself from old patterns, packed my bags (literally and metaphorically), and landed in Brazil.
What’s next? Bold goals. Playful targets. Here’s a taste:
Master Tennis: Play at the 5.0 level, train 2-3 hours a day, five days a week.
Constructive Rest: Walking, cycling, photography, and leaning into active recovery.
Paragliding Adventures: Combine fitness with flight—two hours of study a week and four flying days per month.
Build an STR Concept: Launch a bespoke São Paulo Concierge experience, "Edícula do São Bento", blending hospitality with local culture.
Create the “Mental Floss” Course: A 48-week guide for those living their dream life but not enjoying it. This isn’t about massive change overnight—it’s about small, sustainable shifts.
These aren’t just hobbies. They’re how I choose to lean into growth, channeling resistance into momentum.
The Affirmative Prayer
What guided me through this journey was part of my affirmative prayer—a daily reminder of the life I was creating, even when the storm raged around me:
"I love myself — so I forgive the past, that heavy, tangled thing I used to drag behind me. I set it down, not as a denial but as a release. I travel lighter now, free to move forward into the vast unknown, where each step becomes an act of creation."
This prayer wasn’t just words—it was a promise to myself. A way to envision the life I wanted, even when it felt out of reach. Each time I recited it, I chipped away at the weight I was carrying.
Through Resistance, Toward Freedom
Here’s the truth no one likes to admit: Sometimes you must walk through the chaos to find peace. Forgiveness isn’t a finish line; it’s a mile marker. And when you get to the other side, it’s not fireworks and applause. It’s quiet.
And in that quiet, you realize you’re free.
This year, I cleared unnecessary resistance to make room for the next chapter. The goals ahead aren’t about proving anything—they’re about savoring the process.
Because life isn’t about running from storms. It’s about walking into them, head held high, knowing you’ve got places to go.
Actionable Steps for Forgiveness and Growth
If you’re ready to release resistance, reclaim your power, and move forward with intention, here are some steps to guide you:
1. Start with Self-Awareness
Identify the areas of your life where you feel stuck or resistant.
Reflect on how your current dynamics, behaviors, or relationships may be holding you back.
2. Define What Forgiveness Means for You
Write down what forgiveness looks like—not for the other person, but for yourself.
Recognize that forgiveness doesn’t erase the past or guarantee reconciliation. It’s about freeing yourself from carrying the weight.
3. Create an Affirmative Practice
Use a daily affirmation or prayer to guide your intention.
For example:
“I love myself — so I forgive the past, that heavy, tangled thing I used to drag behind me. I set it down, not as a denial but as a release. I travel lighter now, free to move forward into the vast unknown, where each step becomes an act of creation."
4. Set Clear Boundaries
Identify what boundaries you need to feel safe and aligned in your relationships.
Communicate them calmly and clearly. Remember, boundaries are about protecting your peace, not controlling others.
5. Focus on Actions Over Words
Shift your energy toward actions that align with your values and goals.
Let time and consistent effort rebuild trust and reshape dynamics.
6. Accept Resistance as Part of the Process
Understand that others may resist your changes. This is normal.
Stay committed to your path, even when it feels uncomfortable.
7. Celebrate Progress, Not Perfection
Acknowledge small wins as you navigate forgiveness and growth.
Remember, it’s a journey, not a one-time event.
8. Prioritize Purpose and Forward Motion
Set goals that inspire and challenge you. Focus on what brings you joy, growth, and fulfillment.
Keep moving toward the life you want, knowing that resistance often precedes breakthroughs.
9. Journal Your Thoughts
Use journaling to process emotions, clarify intentions, and track your growth.
Revisit your entries periodically to see how far you’ve come.
10. Surround Yourself with Support
Lean on trusted friends, mentors, or a coach to keep you accountable and grounded.
Seek out resources, communities, or practices that align with your journey.
Call to Action
Forgiveness is a bold act of self-love and liberation. It’s not about letting anyone off the hook—it’s about unshackling yourself from the weight of what’s been.
Take one step today, whether it’s writing down an affirmation, setting a boundary, or taking a walk to clear your head. The journey starts with action, no matter how small.
You’re not in a race, but you are in charge. Where will your next step lead?
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